I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I need to sanitize my soul.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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