after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
