I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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