id be glad to
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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