all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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