Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
