What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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