The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
