He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize