3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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