white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
