Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
