They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
