Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
