How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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