haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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