Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
