There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
