Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
