Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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