someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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