Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
