Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
