You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
