I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think I just sharted jello shots
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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