Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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