I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
