she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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