escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
