Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
