so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
