coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
