her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
