Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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