i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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