im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
