i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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