You made me cry and you don't even care
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
