I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
