The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We are two peas in an std pod
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
