what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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