gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We talked him into tasing himself.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
