I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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