I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
it's like heaven, but drunker
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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