remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
