You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Two words: nipple clamps
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