I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
