her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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