Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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