never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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