So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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