Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
