Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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