just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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