Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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