Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
