He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wear drunk well.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
