Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
