I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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