I smell stomach acid.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
