I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
