worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
