why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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