Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize