I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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