guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
