Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
