OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
