I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
