Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
