do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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