Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
