Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
