The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Best friends brother. Beat that.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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