Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
