Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
