tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
