i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
