i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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