Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
