mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
