So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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