He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
