Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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