Your mouth is God's brothel.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
